I like the 2 intro’s you’ve written, but they are a bit of a wall before the paper really begins. Getting through all that is gonna put a lot of people off.
Why not turn that into your pitch deck and have it on a different page for non-technical people and those new to the idea to skim rather/before diving into the whitepaper?
I know the whitepaper itself isn’t a technical document right now and you want others with more experience in the industry to contribute that side of things